DaveWitwicki.com

Lately I’ve found myself ruminating on past choices I’ve made. It’s easy to get lost in the mental maze of “what if”. What if I’d taken that job, what if I hadn’t said that, what if I’d been more active in X. These lines of thinking can really sap your motivation. Especially since we generally don’t consider the positive choices, only the seemingly negative ones.

As a rule, I try not to regret past choices. I choose to believe that the current state of my life is a result of those choices, both good and bad, and while I may not be totally satisfied with my current state, I’m generally happy with the way things have gone. Keep in mind that if you’re totally satisfied with your current life then you have no reason to change/grow and that leads to stagnation.

So how do you break out of the cycle of mulling over past choices? What can you do to look forward instead of back?

1. First and foremost, you can’t change the past. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make it different. Sure, you can try and make amends but that doesn’t change the original choice.
2. Remember that even if a choice you made turned out totally wrong (from your perspective), at the very least you learned something. You might have to spend some time trying to determine what you learned but it’s there, keep looking.
3. Consider that maybe the choice you made was actually the right choice given the context of the situation. It’s quite possible that you weren’t ready to handle the demands of a given situation and would have found yourself feeling worse than you do now.
4. Check if it’s possible to make that choice again. Some opportunities do come around more than once. Say you turned down a job (or chose not to even apply). Check with the company again. It’s quite possible that the person they did hire is not working out or that they have an even better opportunity now.

It’s important to remember that life is a journey. We can choose to get stuck living in the past, always wondering “what if” or we can choose to live in the now, accepting the choices we have made and looking forward to the magnificent experiences yet to come.

In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves. The process never ends until we die. And the choices we make are ultimately our responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

In the spirit of Father’s day, I have a story for you (with a piece of advice at the end). My father passed away 5 years ago this month after a lengthy illness during which he was bedridden, unable to speak and not entirely coherent most of the time. The illness started with a nasty fall and rapidly went from bad to worse. Even the good days weren’t so good.

Growing up, my dad was not around much. He was self-employed and trying to make his “fortune” in one failed venture after another. He typically worked 12-16 hour days interspersed with weeks on the road where he wasn’t home at all. When he was around, he was busy doing upkeep on the house or working on his latest business. As such, he didn’t spend much time with me and by the age of 11, I figured he wouldn’t notice/care if I wasn’t around so I ran away from home. I was gone for three days before the clerk at the local 7-11 ratted me out and my dad came and brought me back home. Thankfully, that was the wakeup call he needed and our entire relationship changed. After that we spent more time together and the rest of my teen years produced many fond memories of late night card games and “talks” about everything a teenage boy could possibly want to know.

In my grade 12 year, my dad became rather ill and nearly died. Luckily, his sister came and practically dragged him to the hospital so he survived (minus some body parts and with a lifetime “condition”). Once again, he had an awakening and now our conversations became more serious. We learned to talk openly and honestly to each other although we now found ourselves drifting apart somewhat as I attempted to make my way in the world.

Over the years, our relationship had it’s ups and downs (as any relationship is bound to) but we stayed pretty close. His health declined slowly and he became more and more dependent on me. Unfortunately, with a young family of my own, his demands conflicted with the demands of my family and caused much stress for both of us. We had some unforgettable blowouts but through it all we managed to hold on to our love for one another and kept the lines of communication open (for the most part).

On the fateful day when he called me at 4am to ask if I could “drop by” before work to pick him up because he’d fallen and been lying on the floor, unable to move, for two days, we were already out of time. There would be no last minute reconciliation. No chance to make amends for past wrongs. No opportunity for him to pass on some final words of wisdom. No tear-jerking heart-to-heart conversation where I’d pour my heart out over all the bad things I said and did and thought while I was growing up. Nothing.

Thankfully, in addition to our unforgettable blowouts, we’d also had that last minute reconciliation. We’d made amends for past wrongs and talked heart-to-heart about anything and everything. He’d passed on the wisdom of his many years and experiences and there was nothing left unsaid. If I had the chance to tell him just one more thing, it would be a simple “I love you” and even that wouldn’t really be necessary.

So, if there’s any sort of ill will between you and your father. If you haven’t spoken to him in a week, a month, a year. If there’s things you’d like to say but just didn’t feel the time was right. Now is the time to do it. If you leave it too long, you may never get the chance. Just pick up the phone and call him. Or write him a letter. Find some way to connect. And while you’re at it, if you haven’t forgiven him yet for all the bad things that happened (and every one of has bad things that happened), now is the time to do that too. Although I don’t personally know what’s it like, I’m certain that missing the chance to make things right must really hurt. Don’t hurt yourself!

- Dave

Many things happen to us everyday. Some things matter and some things don’t. We live in a messy world and by the very nature of interacting with others we will be exposed to a vast range of experiences. I believe that life brings us situations that give us an opportunity to learn. Now some things that happen in our day to day lives are not about us and are really just neutral events. Sure, our reaction to this things can provide a chance to learn something but I think it’s more important to consider the “big things” that happen.

I’m talking about those situations that evoke strong emotions of some sort. Whether it be happiness, sadness, anger or confusion, if you’re feeling something then you’ve likely encountered a “learning point”. Now the important thing to realize is that when these situations occur, you need to look deeper into it and figure out what you can/should learn from this. This is especially true when the situation does not seem to be unfolding as you planned despite your best efforts. In these cases, it’s quite likely that there’s a lesson you need to learn to move forward in your life and, even if you had some magical guide that told you what the lesson is, you’d still need to experience it, live it to really understand.

So, in an effort to help myself grow and learn in these situations, I’ve been trying the following steps:

1. Examine the situation objectively - put your feelings away for a bit and look at a given situation through the eyes of a neutral observer. Try to consider how it looks to those who are not involved.
2. Explore your feelings - take some time to sit quietly and really consider why you feel the way you do. Is it because things are not going as you’d like them to? Do you carry some underlying belief that is preventing you from seeing the truth?
3. Recognize the opportunity - even if things don’t work out as you’d like them to, every situation is an opportunity for growth. In fact, we often grow faster and stronger from those life events that don’t turn out as we’d like.
4. Accept the lesson - unless you plan on isolating yourself from humanity, you’re going to experience learning points. Keep yourself open to these learning points and embrace the growth that occurs.

Change happens whether we like it or not. Refusing to accept and embrace change leads to a life where you go through the motions but never seem to get anywhere. It’s like a hamster running on a wheel. Always going around, never getting anywhere. Step off the wheel, live a little, accept that you’ll fail or get hurt, pick yourself up and carry on.

Sometimes you win and sometimes you learn - Robert Kiyosaki

- Dave

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

These words are most often attributed to Nelson Mandela in his 1994 Inaugural speech. Apparently they are actually by author Marianne Williamson in her book A Return To Love. Regardless of the source, this wonderful message reminds us that we have within us the power to achieve anything. We merely need to let it loose and give ourselves permission to experience the greatness within.

- Dave

I believe in the supreme worth of the individual and in his right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty.

I believe that the law was made for man and not man for the law; that government is the servant of the people and not their master.

I believe in the dignity of labor, whether with head or hand; that the world owes no man a living but that it owes every man an opportunity to make a living.

I believe that thrift is essential to well ordered living and that economy is a prime requisite of a sound financial structure, whether in government, business or personal affairs.

I believe that truth and justice are fundamental to an enduring social order.

I believe in the sacredness of a promise, that a man’s word should be as good as his bond; that character - not wealth or power or position - is of supreme worth.

I believe that the rendering of useful service is the common duty of mankind and that only in the purifying fire of sacrifice is the dross of selfishness consumed and the greatness of the human soul set free.

I believe in an all-wise and all-loving God, named by whatever name, and that the individual’s highest fulfillment, greatest happiness, and widest usefulness are to be found in living in harmony with His will.

I believe that love is the greatest thing in the world; that it alone can overcome hate; that right can and will triumph over might.

- John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

[Transcribed from The Secret of the Ages by Robert Collier]

I’ve been a member of the Licensed To Speak toastmasters club in district 64 for a good six months and yet I only recently gave my Icebreaker speech (which is the first speech you do in toastmasters). I’m not sure why I waited so long since the topic is easy (yourself) and I regularly speak in various ways as part of my job. However, as easy as this speech should have been, I found it more difficult than expected. I’m not sure if it was because of the topic or because I hadn’t prepared as well as I know I should have but I was nervous. Apparently it didn’t really show except for a bit of “podium tapping” at the beginning. Anyway, what I really found interesting was that I enjoyed the process of writing the speech more than I enjoyed delivering it. Go figure. So, for your enjoyment, here is the full text of the speech:

Dave Witwicki’s Icebreaker Speech

Licensed to Speak Toastmasters

As you probably know, I work in IT. Computers have been a part of my life nearly as far back as I can remember. At times they’ve been on the periphery, a trifling presence without much impact. At other times they’ve been the focus of my life, sometimes to the detriment of those around me. I’m sure we’re all aware that computers are an integral part of life now but I’d like to show you the tune computers have played throughout my life.

Winnipeg has never been a hotbed of technology. As a kid growing up in St. Vital in the 70’s, computers were pretty much non-existent. Still, every song has an opening note and, for me, that note sounded when a good friend of mine called me up one day and told me about this wonderful thing he had. It was an Apple IIe computer and we were both quite intrigued with what this thing could do. We spent hours playing games and then, as young boys of the “nerdy” variety were inclined to do, we started trying to program our own games. My time with the computer was limited and the tune faded until junior high rolled around. In the 80’s, computers were starting to appear here and there and suddenly I had access to an ancient Commodore PET computer. I spent many a lunch hour typing in programs I had devised and then hastily saving them to cassette tape before the next class started. The following year, my school had the good fortune to be selected to participate in a new program whereby the science lab was equipped with enough Commodore Vic-20s so that every student could work on their own machine. After the stodgy green, character-only screen of the PET, the Vic-20 was a treat. Not only could it do real color graphics, but it had sound as well! Suffice to say, I spent even more time playing around with these things. My computer tune was playing strong, sometimes literally.

Then a twist of fate changed the tune substantially. In grade 9, as part of shops class, I took a semester of electronics and I was smitten. For the rest of my time in high school, I devoted myself to learning all I could about electronics. Sure, we had a computer in the form of the class robot but I didn’t pay it much heed being more interested in the flashing lights of the gizmos we built and the crackle of electricity from the Tesla coil we had. Let me tell you, standing at the end of a 5 foot bolt of lightning really gets your pulse racing. Having immersed myself in electronics to the point of working for the school division both over the summer and during the year in various areas, it was only natural that I’d head off to college to further my education and pursue a career in electronics.

It was the end of the 80s when I headed to Red River Community College (as it was known as back then) to pursue Electronics Technology. Well, I was wholly unprepared for the discordant notes that would ring through my life as I was exposed to a whole new world of both electronics and computers. My computer tune which had been playing weakly in the background now surged strongly to the forefront and I found myself switching to Computer Technology after my first year. Not only was the music playing louder than ever, it was becoming richer as I moved both up and down the scale from the PC XT to the fridge-sized VAX/VMS system we used for compiling our code and to microcontrollers like the 6809 which are still used in everyday items like microwaves and cars.

As time progressed, my computer tune became a symphony as I graduated college and moved on to University to continue my soundtrack with Computer Engineering. These bars of the music brought new experiences. In addition to the PC ATs then commonly used, I also experienced the Apple Mac, the MVS/TSO mainframe and, most wondrous of all, the telnet terminals which connected to the internet. The internet was a fascinating place in the early 90s. Although the graphical interface of the web was a few years off yet, there was much to explore in the nooks and crannies of the continent spanning network and many hours were spent fiddling around. Unfortunately, five years of post-secondary education took their toll and I ended up leaving University sans degree due to financial difficulties.

The tune continues though. Entering the workforce with intimate knowledge of various types of computers made it easy to find employment. From the heavy bass notes of the mainframes running the Air Canada reservation system to the light treble notes of automated parking equipment I continued to follow the soundtrack of computers in my life. When the new millennium dawned, computers had become a part of all facets of life. Wanting to be part of the mainstream song again, I made a career change and moved from computer hardware to computer software. Once again I found myself in college but on the other side of the computer fence. As part of the Information Systems Tech course I was in, I did a co-op term [at my current employer] and somehow, managed to stay once I graduated. Eventually I made the transition from term employee to permanent and here I am today. As the millennium has progressed, my computer soundtrack has become lost in the technology tune heard throughout business. That’s okay though, I’ve enjoyed the music computers have played for me over the years and when the tune eventually fades away, I’m sure I’ll catch myself still humming it softly from time to time. Thank you…

- Dave

I’m currently reading Biscuits, Fleas, and Pump Handles and there’s an entire chapter on why you should maintain a positive attitude. Since I’ve been “experimenting” with taking different actions so I can get different results, I decided to see if keeping a positive attitude throughout the day would make things better. First off, let me say that even though it’s only been a couple days, I have to admit that the results have been fantastic! I feel better, I sleep better and everything just seems more enjoyable; even the crap! And let me tell you, I encounter a lot of “crap” during the day. It seems to me that most people are sleepwalking their way through life and even though they may not be consciously negative, their sleepiness tends to drag you down, not build you up. So, I’ve been using a few different methods to keep my attitude positive:

1. Music - this one is a no-brainer for me since I spend a significant portion of my day enjoying music anyway, but it’s definitely helped. Choose music that lifts you up, gets your blood pumping and makes your heart sing (and maybe your mouth too). This is especially helpful during the commute when a bunch of little annoyances can quickly sour your entire day.
2. Smile - keep a smile on your face as much as possible. Not only will your mood improve but people around you will feel a little better too. After all, a smile is even more contagious than the swine flu!
3. Start Great - I spend at least 20 minutes every morning reading motivational books (like the one mentioned above) and it’s been fabulously helpful in getting my day going. Also try to get up with plenty of time to spare. Easing into your day in a relaxed manner starts you off on a positive note.
4. Socialize - take time to have coffee with your friends. Make sure you have a good lunch and get away from your desk (again, with your friends). Too much time alone tends to make you look inward and if you’re in a negative environment, it won’t be long before you’re attitude goes bad.

These are just a few suggestions on gaining and maintaining a positive attitude. I’m sure there are many other methods out there. The key is to find what works for you and stick with it even when things don’t go smoothly. So remember, stay positive and keep smiling!

- Dave

First off, you’ll probably notice that this post is way different than my previous posts. I think I might have mentioned at one point that I planned to start posting technical stuff and whatnot, but that never happened (until now). Basically, I’ve determined that I just can’t be bothered writing “serious” articles on a regular basis. So, instead of beating myself up about it, I’m going to write about whatever catches my attention (just like my tagline says).

I’ve decided that I need to (re)learn ASP.NET. It’s been years since I’ve done any real web development and since I’m expected to know this stuff at work, I probably should. To that end, I’ve developed a learning plan to get me started which I humbly present.

ASP.NET Learning Plan

• Do the ASP.NET QuickStart Tutorial
• Work through book: Microsoft ASP.NET Coding Strategies
• Do the ASP.NET AJAX Tutorial
• Do the ASP.NET 3.5 MVC Tutorial
• Do the LINQ Basics Tutorial
• Do all the W3Schools XML Tutorials
• Do the XSLT Tutorial
• Read the Application Architecture Guide 2.0 (I read the first one a while back and it was worthwhile)
• Brush up on my WSS 3.0 Admin stuff so I can write the certification test
• Brush up on my MOSS 2007 Admin stuff so I can write the certification test

That’s it for starters with ASP.NET. I also have a SharePoint specific Learning Plan but I’ll hold on to that for now because it may change based on what I learn about ASP.NET. I figure it’ll take me two to three months to plow through all this stuff but it should be worth it.

The very first step in all this was to setup my dev environment which I did tonight. I have to admit that I haven’t had this much fun “geekin’ out” in quite some time. Luckily, I already had a previously built virtual image with MOSS 2007 and Visual Studio 2008 installed so I only had to apply recent windows updates, fix the networking and then set up a VPC differencing system so I can have multiple images going without chewing up all my hard drive space.

Anyway, that’s all for now. I plan to write about my adventures as I go along but you never know. I may be too busy “doing” to write about it. 

- Dave

It’s a common tenet in both personal development and business circles that failure is actually a good thing. Attempting something and failing at it provides a tremendous learning opportunity. On the personal development side, developing a new skill or habit will, by necessity, be full of failure. If we are good enough at something that we never fail then we will also never improve. On the business side, failure is used as a means of checking one’s assumptions for correctness. For example, we have a product we think is fantastic, we have a target market and we have identified likely channels for reaching our target market. So, we fire up an advertising campaign using our channels to our market and things don’t go as expected. It seems maybe our product is not as good as we thought or our target market doesn’t really want it. But in the process, we inadvertently hit a different demographic and “bang!”, they love our product! From the narrow perspective of the advertising campaign, we have failed. But in the bigger picture, we’ve learned something much more valuable. We now know that we misjudged who would really be interested in our product but that’s okay because we found our real target market.

Failing Fast

So, if we accept that failure is a good thing then, by extension, failing fast is even better. After all, if we’re going to benefit from our failure, it makes sense that we want that to happen as soon as possible. Now here’s where things tend to differ between personal development and business. More often than not, personal growth only occurs after much failure. Generally speaking, we will fail many, many times when developing new skills or habits. The key here is to recognize incremental improvements and hold on to those. View them as stepping stones to the endpoint we are striving for and realize that continually failing while taking the same actions is really what we’re after. On the business side however, continually failing by taking the same actions is a big no-no. Incremental corrections can be quite costly over the course of a large change. Continuing with the product example, suppose we hadn’t identified an alternate target market. Would it make sense to try another advertising campaign with only minor changes? Unless we received some sort of validation that our assumptions were at least partially correct, it would be pure folly to try again with only minor changes. In this case, a large-scale change is required; a complete change of direction. The key here is to make the cost of failing as low as possible: fail fast and fail cheaply.

The Price of Failure

Now here’s where things get tricky. It’s easy to talk about the benefits of failure but there’s a price to pay for failure even when we know it’s a good thing. On one hand we have the fear of failure. Even though it’s possible to convince oneself on an intellectual level that failure is necessary, fear is not an intellectual construct but an emotion; and as we all know, emotions don’t always pay heed to sound reasoning. To further complicate things, when we do fail, we get hit with the other hand of emotional confirmation. It hurts to fail. Anyone who says otherwise likely hasn’t experienced a real failure. Again with our product example, the fact that our target market didn’t like our product leaves us wondering where we went wrong. We wonder why the people we talked to claimed to like our product and why they aren’t respresentative of the larger demographic involved. We wonder if they were just telling us what we wanted to hear instead of being truthful. Furthermore, we internalize the failure and extend it to ourself. We begin to suspect that maybe we’re the problem and quickly forget that it wasn’t “us” we were selling but merely a product.

One who fears failure limits his activities. Failure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again. ~ Henry Ford

Perception Matters

This brings us to the wildcard in failure. People and their perception. As nice as it would be to have all our failures evaluated on a solely objective basis, that just doesn’t happen. People will judge us and our actions from their personal perspective. On the personal development side, people will typically associate us with our failure. They will not see the failure, but instead see us as a failure. Naturally, this is bruising to the ego and can be difficult to handle. This is where holding on to incremental improvements becomes important. Having something, no matter how small, to point to can go a long way in helping us cope. On the business side, things are a little different. The failure perspective tends to manifest itself as a lack of confidence in our ability to deliver and, given a business environment that does not implicitly understand the importance of failure, this can lead to general confidence issues both from others and for ourselves.

The Originating Story

What started me thinking about failure and it’s effects was a situation that occurred recently at work. I was tasked with developing a fairly straightforward solution for gathering data. While putting it together I discovered that one particular piece of functionality requested was actually rather difficult to implement properly. I spent a reasonable amount of time trying to make it work with no luck. Although there was a potential solution, it involved cutting some corners and I felt that was not a good idea. So, I informed the project manager that this just wasn’t going to happen. This admission of failure caused a bit of panic all around and a meeting was scheduled to deal with the consequences. In the meantime, a bit of brainstorming with a coworker revealed an alternate solution that I had not initially considered. I had been blinded by looking for variations on the initial solution rather than examining the core problem. After a little bit of thinking and experimenting we determined that we could put together a solution that should reasonably meet the requirements. At the meeting to deal with the failure, I presented the new solution and even though it seemed to meet the requirements, I could see that the clients were skeptical since I had previously declared “failure”. In the end, the solution was examined objectively and the clients accepted it with only minor changes.

Taking the Bad with the Good

Failure can be a very positive thing in all aspects of our life as long as we remember to consider and deal with the subjective consequences. Keeping the following in mind will help when dealing with failure:

• Failing is good
• Failing fast is better
• Failing is going to hurt
• Failing will change peoples’ perception of us
• Failing is necessary for success

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail. ~ Confucius

- Dave

The original title for this post was going to be “My Commitment To You” in which I was going to commit to writing a post at least once a week for the next five months starting at the beginning of February. Then I realized that committing to something as time-consuming as blogging regularly needs to be something I want to do for me, not for everyone else. So, my commitment to myself regarding the activity of blogging is:

I will write a reasonable length, non-filler post at least once a week for a period of five months.

I won’t start until February as I’m leaving the country for a week starting this Saturday and I plan to be nowhere near a computer while I’m gone (although I may still hit the internet if there’s free wifi to be had). I’ve also put a cap on how long I’ll do this for. If, after blogging seriously for that amount of time, I just don’t want to do it anymore, then so be it. But without giving it a serious shot, how will I know?

Naturally, the next question is, “what will I write about?”. Thankfully, I’ve got that mostly covered. I have at least a dozen post ideas kicking around and at the very least I can write book and podcast reviews since I tend to read and listen to a fairly large quantity of information in any given week.

Why Commit to Blogging?

I can imagine some of you wondering why I would make a commitment such as this. Over and above the obvious goal of determining if I really like blogging, I am attempting to make all aspects of my life better. I had some initial success last year with early rising and taking a personal hour first thing in the morning (two posts right there) but I’ve since lost the habit for both of those things. I’m now going to try something a little different in that I’m going to try and target specific activities and see if I can make them “awesome”. This won’t be easy but I think it’s a worthwhile initiative and at the very least, I’ll have something write about. So stay tuned over the next little while for what (I hope) will be some exciting ideas and let’s see where this blogging thing can go…

- Dave