In the spirit of Father’s day, I have a story for you (with a piece of advice at the end). My father passed away 5 years ago this month after a lengthy illness during which he was bedridden, unable to speak and not entirely coherent most of the time. The illness started with a nasty fall and rapidly went from bad to worse. Even the good days weren’t so good.

Growing up, my dad was not around much. He was self-employed and trying to make his “fortune” in one failed venture after another. He typically worked 12-16 hour days interspersed with weeks on the road where he wasn’t home at all. When he was around, he was busy doing upkeep on the house or working on his latest business. As such, he didn’t spend much time with me and by the age of 11, I figured he wouldn’t notice/care if I wasn’t around so I ran away from home. I was gone for three days before the clerk at the local 7-11 ratted me out and my dad came and brought me back home. Thankfully, that was the wakeup call he needed and our entire relationship changed. After that we spent more time together and the rest of my teen years produced many fond memories of late night card games and “talks” about everything a teenage boy could possibly want to know.

In my grade 12 year, my dad became rather ill and nearly died. Luckily, his sister came and practically dragged him to the hospital so he survived (minus some body parts and with a lifetime “condition”). Once again, he had an awakening and now our conversations became more serious. We learned to talk openly and honestly to each other although we now found ourselves drifting apart somewhat as I attempted to make my way in the world.

Over the years, our relationship had it’s ups and downs (as any relationship is bound to) but we stayed pretty close. His health declined slowly and he became more and more dependent on me. Unfortunately, with a young family of my own, his demands conflicted with the demands of my family and caused much stress for both of us. We had some unforgettable blowouts but through it all we managed to hold on to our love for one another and kept the lines of communication open (for the most part).

On the fateful day when he called me at 4am to ask if I could “drop by” before work to pick him up because he’d fallen and been lying on the floor, unable to move, for two days, we were already out of time. There would be no last minute reconciliation. No chance to make amends for past wrongs. No opportunity for him to pass on some final words of wisdom. No tear-jerking heart-to-heart conversation where I’d pour my heart out over all the bad things I said and did and thought while I was growing up. Nothing.

Thankfully, in addition to our unforgettable blowouts, we’d also had that last minute reconciliation. We’d made amends for past wrongs and talked heart-to-heart about anything and everything. He’d passed on the wisdom of his many years and experiences and there was nothing left unsaid. If I had the chance to tell him just one more thing, it would be a simple “I love you” and even that wouldn’t really be necessary.

So, if there’s any sort of ill will between you and your father. If you haven’t spoken to him in a week, a month, a year. If there’s things you’d like to say but just didn’t feel the time was right. Now is the time to do it. If you leave it too long, you may never get the chance. Just pick up the phone and call him. Or write him a letter. Find some way to connect. And while you’re at it, if you haven’t forgiven him yet for all the bad things that happened (and every one of has bad things that happened), now is the time to do that too. Although I don’t personally know what’s it like, I’m certain that missing the chance to make things right must really hurt. Don’t hurt yourself!

- Dave